Anaconda ATTACK

All of my life, I have had a deep appreciation for all reptiles and amphibians. Had my math skills been better, it is very likely that I would have devoted my life to the field of herpetology. After I graduated high school I worked at a large corporate pet store, and quickly worked my way up to becoming the manager of the sizeable reptile department. I was eager to deep-clean the cages, rid the animals of parasites, educate interested customers on the proper care of lizards, snakes, and frogs, and most of all, to work tirelessly to make as much of an impact as I could on upper management to improve the conditions for such animals.

Now that you know how affectionately I feel towards coldblooded creatures, I will tell you, one particular class of reptile still sends chills down my spine. Large constrictors make me uneasy. Having been bitten by enough boas and pythons in my time, and having unfortunately fed hundreds of meals to such snakes, I will tell you right away that I wouldn’t be too keen on being face to face with a irritated Anaconda. *Anaconda is a term that applies to a multitude of semi-aquatic South American constrictors, whom are some of the largest snakes in the word.

My imagination always gets the best of me, and given that I’ve been sick for a ridiculously long time, I am always looking for a little extra excitement to supplement my sedentary boredom. When Miles’ new ginormous snake toy arrived last week, I was happy to get out of bed to sign for the package. I’ll admit it straight up — sometimes, I live out my fears through Miles’ predatory instincts. You’ve got to admire the natural drive of a terrier — it allows them, at times, to be impressively fearless. Miles constantly reminds me that he’d very much like to take on one of those massive city busses. I’ve told him that for now, a young ginormous Anaconda will have to do…